I saw it in your eyes right after you said “I’ll see you.”

That why I stopped and turned and made you promise.

But it didn’t change anything. They were still empty.

“You were a fever dream but you never broke or went away…”

brightlightsloudnoises:

i’ve tried bars
and bus stations 

the most famous parks
in the biggest
cities
on the brightest days 

and i’ve wandered
the most
hidden streets
on rainy nights 

i know it’s there

because i saw it 
once 

in your eyes

typewriterblues:

Tell me something.                 I have a book for sale.

“I just wish that you had called, I would’ve said it all…”

Each time I said that

We should just run away, go…

I always meant it.

theunabridgedjournal:

(I lay still in
seas of blankets
imaging your hands
drawing a map
of my bones) 

You remind me 
of Georgia seasons.
Unpractical and
unpredictable. You
snow when there
should be sun.

tender, are your lips.
fragile, is your heart.
Fleeting, is you.
I should have known from the
start.  

When I was walking through the aisles of the store today, I halfway expected to turn the corner straight into a head-on-collision with someone almost like you. I imagined myself catching my breath freshly infused with that tired smell and almost needing to look away. Anywhere else. And I could almost feel the almost-you’s fingers on my cheek and in my hair; feel it sinking right back in as if it were only away for moments, or perhaps not at all.

But instead I just navigated my way around the lines of shelves and self-checked-out and went back to my car and looked at the cigarette I almost didn’t feel like lighting anymore.

“…and put the shards into his arm via hypodermic needle, but it didn’t do him harm. A little self-reflection went a long, long way. Now he’s hiding in the cellar, scared to show the world his face. Well I never learned a lesson that I didn’t teach myself, I may have lost my shot in Heaven, but I bored myself with hell. My thoughts on mother nature? Hurt her every chance you get. I’ve really come to hate her, let’s cross her off the list.”

You didn’t ask for permission to drop by. You shouldn’t have been so inconsiderate. I watched you barge in and you didn’t notice the warm imprint left on my sickbed. You do not look at me and I do not breathe. I sat at the end of the table as you rummaged through the air I have built from your absence. You took your place at the table, the place that I have tried so hard to think of as mine and not yours, no longer yours. You spoke with the mouth that is yours and not mine, no longer mine. You told me a lot about the roads outside and how the wind has felt lately.

I didn’t say anything.

And then you left, screaming something about how I would never understand.

And I still sat at the end of the table, watching your shadows rummage through the air that I am trying to build from your absence. And finally they take their place at the table. And finally I can breathe.

You never told me what is was like to see the world without the weight.

I was waiting.

imustrememberthis:

(by earthtoandrea)

Absolute favorite place and I can’t wait to be there again. :)

Sometimes I hear your voice. In those moments when I begin to drift away in broad daylight it jolts through my veins and headrushes me into this stark awakeness. In those moments when I stumble upon what bits of traces you left in my room and my car and my small soul it beats upon my chest like a steel drum with no reverberation; just silent impact.

The very first defense skimpers through my mind. Flourishing at first, all of the sincerity in the world echoes through my i-fucking-hate-you’s and dear-god-get-out-of-my-head’s. They twirl in their violent nature about my mind and move quickly to the chords of my heart. But when they wrap themselves around my chest cavity they instantly melt and drip, searing and slow, through the rest of my veins until I can feel this everywhere.

And I decide that I should’ve run for the hills long ago because this cycle is relentlesly spinning and I’m sick.

girlbrokendown:

We are all guilty of romanticising suicide as though no one gets left behind, in the shadows empty words and ones that you will never share again, muttering sentences into the air so that they might find you wherever you are to let you know that I needed you here, I still do but you took from me…

loqui:

Tinder

Sticks to fire 

I’m crackling 

A wine glass chiming
As the evening comes
To a close

Her crystal teeth slice 

My flaking insect wings
Yet insanely, I grin
Widely smile and eyes roll
Back inside my skull
Where I hear her


So softly spoken 

A cloud of shivers
I…

brightlightsloudnoises:

you looked at me,
you had one leg out of the cab
and one leg in
the traffic was stacked behind you

i was a block down
i yelled,
“come on back”
and nodded my head
away from the cab
towards the curb

everyone was watching us
either remembering or
wondering why it hadn’t
ever happened to them

but you just stood
there,
one leg in,
one leg out
looking at me…

i learned more about life
from that frozen second
and the look in your eyes
than
from any book
i’ve ever read 

Sometimes, I exhale and feel them shoveling through my skin. Vast armies of the tiniest, most relentless little pests that are my own, and they are just mine. Wells of ink that I have to spill over the brim of myself. And then I breathe in and they subside.

If they drill forever, at least I tried.

She’s just the apple of my eye :)